Friday, August 24, 2012

Relationship advice by your local tattooist, Val

         One thing that tends to come up over and over whilst working on clients is relationship matters. There are other subjects that come up often such as the state of the world, which probably comes up as much as relationship talk. Yet I find myself throwing out my personal opinions on why or why not certain relationships work or don't and I think it is because after tattooing for many years, I feel like I have heard it all. Not to mention my own personal train wreck of relationships from the past that I can factor in. And so at this point, I am very honest with people on what I think when they tell me about their relationship foes- especially when women are in my chair. As a pro-woman kinda gal myself, I just can't sit behind the machine and listen to the lameness without objecting my opinions. So here it is what I believe most people should follow when dating or getting serious or breaking up with someone. I guess we can call them relationship rules.

       When you first spark with someone, get their email or number and send friendly texts or emails back and forth until you get a sense of that person and you would feel comfortable going on a date with them. Once you go on a date with them DO NOT choose your date to be at the bar or some place where drinking is emphasized. Go to a dinner and a movie or a walk in the park thing.
        Once the date is over, I think it should be up to the man (chivalry people, let's bring it back!) the next day to do a follow up text at least, I had a great time etc...I think if you do these check in texts or emails they  go a long way...If you two are still sparking set up another time to go on a date- dating once a week is more than enough to get to know someone during this getting to know each other phase.

       This is where things can get confusing. Be patient! Going on these dates for a few months at least until you are confident and safe that this person respects you. Hopefully at this point you two have only been making out and having good night kisses only. I MUST remind the ladies, that if you get in the sack with a dude too soon, they will not respect you. And you will get all wierd and emotionally attached too soon if you give them too much too soon. The way things are today with people's fleeting personalities, I do not think dating for 6 months before you get in bed is unreasonable. Especially if you have kids already.
        When my clients tell me they started dating someone new, my first thing I say is take it easy go slow. Like seriously, especially if you had a bad track record. Remember that old saying; slow and steady wins the race.
         If a break up is looming, that is always unfortunate. However there is a way to have a smoother break up and most people don't know how to properly break up- if there is such a thing as a proper break up. But when I hear things like we split awhile ago but we are still doing it... The first thing I do is roll my eyes- staying connected that way is never going to cut the ties. Having a healthy breakup means, talking on occasion as you are working out emotional stuff but you don't have to fuel the fire by being overly honest and coming clean on how you cheated on them or did other bad things while in the relationship. It is not necessary to have a confessional once you break up. It is not fair to the other person that was mistreated. I think it is sadistic actually. When men confide to me in the chair that they fucked up and "she left me", I am always like it sounds like you deserved it. And this is to my dear clients! When women tell me they were mistreated or the relationship is heading towards that path, I always say; woman to woman run while you can!